You entered my life one week ago. Your birth was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life, but the most rewarding. I would do it one million times over if it meant I could have you over and over again. During my 32-hour labor, I was faced with self-doubt and worry, fear and pain. Your father was with me throughout the entire process, and helped me see that I could birth you in the way I had always dreamed of. Being my first baby, I had no vision of what to expect during labor and your delivery, no landmarks to know what was happen. Every hour, every turn, every bit of progress was new, exciting, and scary.
When I think now and try to imagine how painful the contractions were (each one working you down to meet us), my mind has blocked the memories. I remember being in pain, but the pain isn't there. The thought of your birth is not overshadowed by that pain anymore. It was momentary and necessary, and totally worth it. You are the result of that work, and you are the most amazing gift that I could have received for it.
The past week has flown by. You are so beautiful. Your father and I saw the beauty in you instantly, from the moment you were handed to me by our midwife. I cried tears of joy and you were able to truly connect with us because I labored drug-free. From day one, we've spent hours staring at you, while you sleep or while you stare back with scrunchy, furrowed eyebrows.
You are happy now that my milk has come in and my favorite moments with you are when you're breastfeeding. I love the milk-drunk look you get, with your eyes rolling back and closing with contentment. I love hearing you gulp down your milk, and when you pop off the breast and your head rolls back, I can see drips of milk running down your chin. It makes me happy to be able to feed you.
You sleep in between your father and I, so I can feed you exactly when you need it. I love feeling your little body next to mine, and I don't mind waking up every 2-3 hours to feed you or change your diaper. I couldn't imagine putting you in a crib in another room... sleeping as a family feels so natural to me.
We love you so much little one. You are our daughter! It's amazing and we've loved getting to know you. Every day is special... just don't grow up too fast!