I'm 41 weeks preganant with you today. For the longest time I didn't think it would bother me to go over my due date. After all, I know that biologically due dates don't mean much. What really matters is how ready YOU are to come out into this big world. Most first time mothers (and many mothers in general) need more than 40 weeks before they'll go into labor. I learned this in my Bradley methods classes. When people asked me when I was due, I'd say "December 12th, but I don't really believe in due dates." I said, and still believe, that you will let me know when you are ready, even if that means another week of carrying you in my belly.
But then December 12th came and went and you didn't come that day. Or the next, or the next, and you're still not here, a week later. It's December 19th, and I still don't know when you'll be ready.
There are some signs though that tell me labor is on it's way. I won't gross you out with the details (unless you ask, then I'll be more than happy to share with you), but I do know that my body is getting ready for the marathon that will be the labor and birth of you, my sweet precious daughter.
For instance, the last two nights I have felt contractions, different from the practice contractions called Braxton Hicks. Instead of just tightening up my belly, these contractions were sharp, crampy pains that I felt from front to back, in my belly and in my lower back. They hurt, but I knew that if they were the true onset of labor, it would get a lot stronger and harder to handle. So I breathed through them and tried (unsuccessfully) to get more sleep, but I was just so excited that something could be happening. Then I woke up in the morning, yesterday and today, and they went away.
I have been dealing with a lot of emotions this past week, waiting for you to come, knowing that it could be any moment. Patience, frustration, sadness, excitement. Even jealousy for those women I knew who were having their babies before their due dates, when I am waiting past mine. I just can't wait for that moment when we meet. I am so close to finally seeing you and touching you and learning who you are that it's almost unbearable. Each day that passes is a trial in waiting for you. I hope it is making me a stronger person. Your dad is getting pretty antsy, too. He can't wait to see your little feet. He says you will be so beautiful, and he thinks you're going to have gorgeous eyes and a headful of hair.
Your dad and I think maybe you're waiting for the winter solstice. It's in 2 days and it would be pretty neat to have you on the first day of winter. This year there will be a lunar eclipse on the winter solstice. We think maybe you just want a grand entrance. Although, no matter when you decide to come, it will be the grandest moment of our lives. I guess only time will tell. It may even be tonight! And even though I am scared of how much pain this will be, how difficult and long it may be, I know that I will meet you soon and that makes it all worth it.
I love you sweet girl!