Adelaide {3 months}

Dear Adelaide,

You are three months old today! I can't believe how big you've gotten. It will still be another month before we go back to the doctor, but I'm already excited to see how much you've gained. It is so amazing to look at you and know that you grew from something so small in my belly to the little girl you are now. And to know that you've grown this big and chunky solely from my breast milk makes me so proud that I can do that for you. Sometimes breastfeeding isn't easy, like when you have gas, or my milk comes out too fast and makes you choke, or when my breasts get sore. But it is so worth it to give you the best, and I cherish the moments when you're curled up next to me in bed, drinking, and holding my hand.



Just as the second month of your life crawled by, so did the third. It feels like you have been a part of my life forever. (Maybe you have been? I have been dreaming of being a mother for a very long time!) It's hard to remember life without you in it. Hard to remember sleeping in and going out for a random date night. Hard to remember room in the bed and watching movies. I feel so out of touch sometimes with the world. There are so many movies I want to watch but don't have time to, and so many new songs on the radio that I have no clue about! But I love spending my time with you day in and day out. On the rare occasion that your dad takes you for an hour or so, I start to miss you, even if it's been a tough day. I love you so!



This past month you:

• Started sucking on your hands like crazy! Sometimes we can hear you from a different room and it looks like you're trying to fit your whole hand (or both) in your mouth!
• Started to notice your hands. This has actually just been the past few days. You'll put your hand on my arm while I'm changing your diaper and just stare and stare at it. It's adorable to watch!
• Began to reach out for things. More specifically, your activity center that you lay under. You are starting to bat at the toys that hang down, and also reach across to spin the spinners.
• Are really beginning to make more vowel sounds to tell us when you're happy. You still haven't laughed yet, but you definitely let us know when you're in a good mood!
• Have begun to scream when being put down on the changing table, though you'll cheer up when you realize you're naked again.
• Turn your head to look at us when we talk to you, and you're gaze will follow us as we move around the room.
• Started to rub your eyes when you're tired. It's so cute!
• Started to notice yourself when we put you in front of the mirror. You'll smile and watch yourself really intently.
• Started to drool like crazy!!! You are soaking your shirts!
• Haven't taken any naps longer than 30 minutes, unless I'm napping with you!
  

I tried to get your daddy in here to write a little bit for you, but he has perpetual writer's block. I thought it'd be nice for you to have something to read from him when you're older. All he could come up with was, "She's soft." Take it from me, although it's hard for him to write what he feels, he tells you every day that he loves you, adores you, and thinks you're beautiful. And I'm sure he'll continue to do so, because you are such a bright light in our lives. He loves you so very much. When he comes home from work, sometimes he'll come give you a kiss and forget to kiss me too. That's how much you shine in his eyes!



Your daddy and I love you so much! I'm so excited to see what this next month holds for our little family! xoxo
Love, your momma

[Beautiful Adelaide in her wonderfully turquoise little dress!

I didn't get nearly as much accomplished last week as I'd hoped I would. I didn't work out (at all! Shame!), I didn't finish the leggings for Adelaide (socks are stretchy and frustrating to work with!), and I didn't finish that pile in the living room.

I did, however, finish the felt boards, and will have a tutorial post on that later this week. They looked abso-freakin-lutely awesome!

Today I went to the eye doctor, and he couldn't get enough of little Adelaide. Thankfully she behaved for the most part, though I did have to hold her the whole time, which made for an interesting exam. Then we headed straight for the park so we could take a nice walk/hike. I am really hoping to drop another pound this week, to make up for not doing anything last week.

The rest of the week is uneventful plan-wise, but I am hoping to work out some more, like I said, and to do more crafting. When the little one goes to bed, I try to get at least one project done. Tonight it was hemming a pair of pants correctly. For the first time, I've figured out the blind hem stitch! Woot woot!

I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend! Happy Spring!!!

Project 31: Day 15.

Day 15. Write to encourage a friend. Inspire her beauty.

Dearest Hannah,
I don't think I need to tell you that you're beautiful. You are so uber-confident, it's scary. You can sport any hairstyle (or the lack of one) and still be pretty. You can go makeup-less and still be pretty. You can dress girly or like a boy and still be pretty. Your feet can resemble a bear, and you're still pretty. You can can throw temper tantrums and maps and still be pretty. You can drink loads of coffee and be all jittery, and you're still pretty.

But more than that, you're a woman, a mother, a best friend, a sister, a daughter. You're gorgeous, my dear! You've been steady in my life and despite being polar opposites we stick together and I can count on you to listen to my vent, to laugh hysterically with me, to dream about mansions with two wings that we can share with our families and our many, many children.

You inspire creativity. Fun. Laughter. Thought. You're sweet, and open, and weird, and stubborn. Totally awesome.

Love you!

[Hannah and I, back in 2007]

Project 31: Day 14

Day 14. Style 31. Post an outfit pic!

Yeah. Mmkay. I don't really have a style, unless you call jeans and black shirt a style. Half my wardrobe is full of black shirts, tees, sweaters, etc. I try to buy other colors, and sometimes it works, but my go-to has always been black. The color that looks good with everything (except dark brown and dark blue) and on everybody.

Here's a picture of me at the beach on Thanksgiving 2006. Five years ago, and besides the fact that I look a little older now, not much has changed in the style department. Or hair. Or anything really. Except a little baby weight and a little baby on my hip.

Adelaide refuses to be put down. Anytime we change her position, you can be sure there'll be a piercing scream and some crying. She still loves her changing table, for instance, but even then she'll still cry a bit before settling down and remembering that she'll be naked soon (which she loves to be). She wants to be held all the time, and if we do want to "put her down" it had better be after a full tummy and fresh diaper change. Only then will she willingly lay on the floor for some playtime. And sometimes she'll do a full five minutes of tummy time before getting frustrated.

This morning I tried to sit her on my lap for a bit of reading, and it was immediately meltdown time. This was after a nap and diaper change. It was purely due to frustration on her part. I tried to wait it out and got excited each time she took a deep breath and thought maybe she was done. But then she'd wail some more, and more and more. I gave up on the reading.

So I put on the Moby and tucked her in it, and although it was a couple of minutes of crying (her or me? :) she finally settled down and has been sitting like this listening to Florence + The Machine while I putz around on the internet.


She's starting to fall asleep now. Thankfully it's a cool day so my little heater won't make me too warm! I'm hoping that this intensity of her's means she'll be a spirited child who knows what she wants!

Project 31: Day 13.

Day 13. Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.

Oh, tough one. Let's get deep, right? I would like to be more laid-back, like Kevin. Maybe not quite as much as Kevin, but a little bit would be great. I'm pretty much a control freak, although I'd have to say that I've let go of a little bit of that since Adelaide was born. When you have NO TIME to nit-pick over the state of your laundry pile or dishes gathering in the sink, then you have to learn to let it go. A little. I still run around during Adelaide's naps trying to keep up with the massive amounts of DIRTY in my house, but it's tough.

Things have to be just so in my house or it drives me nuts. Usually I can let things slide and build up for a few days, but then I go in a tizzy and it's not a good day until things are tidy again. Kevin is constantly telling me that the house looks fine, but I don't see it that way. Especially if I know people are coming over. And if people show up unexpectedly (like, to look at some of Kevin's drums?), and the house isn't clean??? Oh boy. I scan the house pinpointing everything that is wrong, knowing that they're seeing it too.

I think a lot of women obsess over their houses, too. It's like an extension of who we are. We obsess over our looks, and we obsess over the house we live in. Ugh.

Project 31: Day 12.

Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.

Shaving my legs every other day or so.
Worrying about how my belly looks when I wear certain shirts, and if other people will notice, too.
Plucking my eyebrows constantly so they don't start looking yeti-like.
Straightening my hair every time I want to go out (again, so I don't look like a yeti.)
This is all beauty-based, I realize, but it IS exhausting. And I also realize that three out of those four things have to do with hair. Yuck.

But on an emotional level, I get worn out obsessing over how much I can and do give in relationships, and then about how much I think I should be getting back. And then when I feel that it's unbalanced, I worry that I'm trying too hard, or not enough. I don't think most men think about that, do they? They seem much more at ease with where a relationship might stand.

[Adelaide is learning some hand-eye coordination, and testing it out on daddy's nose.]

This week I want to...

Work on a felt board for my best bud's babe, and one for Adelaide too.
Convert a couple pairs of knee-high socks into baby leg warmers.
Declutter pile of stuff in the living room that's been there for a couple of months.
Take a tour of a daycare center that's on the list.
Work out (cardio) at least 4 times by next Sunday.

What's on your list???

Thank you, Mothering.

"Human infants don't like physical distance. They like constant physical contact. They expect it. They need it. And they're totally content when they have it. But how do we learn to surrender to this fierce need when others warn us that we must teach our infants to sleep, to be independent—and certainly not to spoil them". Peggy O'Mara, "In Their Hands," Mothering, issue 85, Winter 1977

Second-guessing.

I am constantly doubting myself as a mom. Does everyone go through this? Where you one day think that you are doing what's best for your child, and then the next think that maybe you should do something different? That if only you knew exactly what WAS best, then you'd definitely do THAT?

Like, there's one way to ride a bike. Get on, balance, pedal with one foot then the other. Use the brakes gently, feet down, dismount.

But with parenting, there are SO many ways to do every little thing! The mind tug-o-war is exhausting.

I am pretty sure about some things that I'm doing. Cloth diapering. Babywearing. Breastfeeding. Co-sleeping at night. These are things that feel right.

But then, should I nurse her right before bed? What if she gets too attached to nursing to sleep? What happens when I go back to work in August or so, and she can't nap on her own? When do I start trying to get her to nap without me? Should I be using that darn pacifier so that she at least isn't attached to my boob all night? Will she be attached to that instead? What if the pacifier becomes a battle later? Should I just let her cry, as long as I'm right there? How long do I let her cry?

You get it? And it goes on and on. Le sigh. I'm trying to figure it out. Right now, though, it feels right to nurse her to sleep and not let her cry too much. That has to count for something. If it feels wrong, don't do it. I wish I lived in a place or time where there wasn't so much parenting information being blasted my way. That would help this conundrum a little bit, right? Then I could freely do what just felt right without second-guessing myself.

Sittin' pretty.

My little one is learning how to sit in the Bumbo. Sometimes she hates it, stretching her legs and wailing. But sometimes she does great in it, and gives me a glimpse of a big girl. *sigh* My baby is growing leaps and bounds every day. Learning new things and leaving her newborn-ness behind.

P.S. Don't you love the drool on her lip? :)

Project 31. Days 10 and 11.

Day 10. What are you learning as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)
As a wife: I am learning to appreciate all the things my husband is doing for me and Adelaide, even if it takes away time from us right now, so that he can build up his business to support us a little more later.

As a mom: I am learning that Adelaide comes first. Well, I learned that on day one. But even if I'm in the middle of a really good sentence reading a book... even if I really have to pee... even if I am drop-dead tired... she comes first. When I get frustrated with not having time for me, I remember that when I chose to get pregnant, I chose to put her first. And then she'll give me a sweet smile and I'll forget all those feelings of being rushed or tired or stressed, because that smile instantly calms me and melts my heart.

As a woman: I am learning to accept me for who I am. I am not 6 feet tall. I don't have super straight perfect hair (I have frizzy hair that I straighten to get rid of the frizz, which then adds more frizz... and repeat.). I have hairy arms (thanks, dad). I have baby weight. I have long skinny feet. I have a dimple in my butt, blah. But I am me. Nobody else out there is like me. I am getting more comfortable in my skin, and although I straighten my hair and want to lose the baby weight, I'm alright just as I am. Something about going through the process of becoming a mother has made me more comfortable with all my little imperfections. My husband and my daughter think I'm beautiful just as I am, so why can't I think it too?


Day 11. Post a recipe.
Crockpot Veggie Soup
The most delicious veggie and bean soup. Ever. And it's vegan too.


Ingredients:
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 can garbanzo beans/chickpeas (the best beans! so delicious!), drained and rinsed
11 oz. broth, I use veggie broth
1 cup water
1 pound frozen veggies, any variety
1/2 cup dried pasta, any kind (not pictured, whoops!)


How To:
Combine all ingredients except the dried pasta in the crockpot.
Turn onto low setting and cook for 8 hours.
After 8 hours, dump in 1/2 cup or so of any dried pasta you have on hand and cook an additional 15 minutes.
DONE!

[Here is the soup pre-cooked.]

Passing time at the car dealership.

Today I had to get my oil changed and car inspected (it was due last October!!! - needless to say, I had other things on my mind!) so I packed up the baby and drove down to the dealership. It was over an hour wait and there were a lot of people there waiting on their cars too.

Adelaide has been pretty specific in how she likes to be held lately (facing out so she can look around) so I picked her up, left the carseat and my bag in a little room, and walked around the dealership for half an hour looking at the different cars and other things they had in the showroom. Potted plants (fake). Chairs. Hats for sale. Toys there for toddlers to play with, which she showed no interest in. Cars again. Potted plants again. Chairs again. Hats again. Etc. The longest 30 minutes ever.

She started getting bored, so I thought I'd try to nurse her to sleep in one of the waiting rooms. I picked up the bag and carseat and found a room that had two other women in it, as I thought they'd be a little more at ease with me breastfeeding. They were both on their phones anyhow, and I had a blanket to cover, so no biggie. Except after only a couple minutes of feeding, Adelaide decided to start squirming and crying from gas pains. So I quickly picked her up while trying to cover my boob at the same time. I was successful at that, thankfully.

I popped in the pacifier because I didn't want a wailing baby with all those people around (new mama anxiety), and decided to walk around bouncing her. She fell asleep, and I got lots of adoring looks and salespeople inquiring about her. Got some unwanted advice, smiled politely. Although I didn't want to talk to one particular guy about how often I nurse her and what I should be doing to make sure she stops crying, I just nodded and decided that if nothing else, it was helping to pass the time.

A new drive belt, $150, a passed inspection, spilled milk, and 75 minutes later, we were finally out of there. Thank goodness she'll be a bit older the next time I need an oil change! Hopefully she'll be more interested in the toys next time and I won't have to pace the showroom holding a 13 pound baby for ages.

Photo Catch-up!

Hi all. Sorry for not posting lately, but life has been pretty busy with the baby. She's been pretty clingy to me the past couple of weeks, and also really fussy. She has been crying a lot, and it doesn't take much to get her going. I just try and take a lot of deep breaths and remember that this time will pass. Although I know I will miss her tiny self and cute smiles and babbles, I can't wait to be past this point of fussiness. Some of it is due to the gas problems, still, I know. But I think some of it is just her personality right now. But, times are good and as long as she's let me sleep a little, I'm a pretty content mama.

So, on that note, here are some pictures from the past couple of weeks:

Breastfeeding is going alright. Sometimes she fusses a lot at the breast because her tummy is hurting, and I have to take her off and wait until she settles down. Then we try again, and depending on how long she's been up, she sometimes falls asleep in my arms (like in this picture).

She still really loves the changing table, although she's recently developed the habit of crying for a few seconds when we first put her down. Then I ring the jingle-bell mobile above her and all is well. She coos and squeals a lot on the table, and of course looks ADORABLE!


Mema (my mom) came to visit this past weekend. She must have emanated "Good Grandma Energy" because Adelaide did really, really good and surprised me with how well she did in the Moby (which she sometimes fights) and in general.


For a while Adelaide would get very upset anytime Kevin held her. We don't really know why, but sometimes she would even cry when he'd look at her. Last week she took a turn for the better in that respect, and now she lets him hold her, which makes for a very happy daddy.


And the cutie in the bathtub - she looks like she's covering up for modesty! :)


Here we are hanging out in the front yard on one of our really lovely days. It may technically "winter" but sometimes the weather is wonderful, in the 70s sometimes.

So when the weather is especially good, we go for walks at the park that is 7 minutes away. Here we are trying out a mei-tei. I don't like it as much as the Moby or the Ergo for the simple fact that it hugs her super close and doesn't let her look around or really even move her head. Maybe when she's older and taller, we'll love it. It is really easy to put on and very lightweight.

And the dreaded paci. When I was pregnant, I swore that I would use a pacifier, but of course I caved. It helps to keep my sanity on those days when she's extra fussy. Plus, it's a sedative. Really. If she's fighting sleep and for some reason won't breastfeed, all I have to do is pop in a pacifier and off she goes! We also use it in the car when one of us can't be in the backseat to help keep her calm. Hearing her cry just breaks my heart.

Anyhow, I hope to resume some sort of blogging soon... so bear with me! I'm still getting the hang of being a mom! Thanks for visiting!

P.S. I would love some comment love. Sometimes I wonder if anyone reads at all anymore!