Yesterday I had an appointment with my midwife. It was a very basic appointment, where she basically just checked the baby and my blood pressure and asked me a few questions (headaches, swelling, drinking enough water, eating healthy foods, etc.). I feel I've been a bad patient as I haven't been drinking enough water and I've been eating quite a bit of junk food. But all is well, and baby is in perfect position. Still not fully engaged, as there's a bit of wiggle room with her head down there, but otherwise showing a good position. Heart tones were great as well, in the 140s with a bit of acceleration here and there, which is a good thing my midwife assured me.
Baby Adelaide hadn't been very active for the past couple of days, but my midwife says that as they get further along and more ready for the birth, babies settle down a bit. She said that if I do get worried, that I could just eat something sweet, lay down for a couple of hours and I should feel about 10 movements in that period of time. Thankfully though, the appointment must have woken her up, because baby has been very active since and I've not needed to worry.
As I get closer, my moods are going crazy! I'll be so excited to meet this little one, and the next minute I'm crying because I'm worried I won't do a good job as a mom. I stress about how the house gets so messy so quickly and that makes me think that if I can't keep my house clean how am I supposed to take care of a BABY??? I think nerves and excitement and anxiety and fear and joy are all mixed into one. Lack of sleep from tossing and turning (and getting up to pee), and a poorer than normal diet both have something to do with these mood swings, I'm sure. I'll take extra attention to get more rest and eat healthier these last couple of weeks (and spend time every day picking up a little here and there, no matter how tired I am).
It will be so soon that I get to meet my little sweet girl! I hope I'm ready.
I still have those rotating elations and concerns on at least a weekly basis, and my "baby" is three now. I think the answer to all of it is what you already inherently know but will (probably always) continue gathering evidence in support of: that *you* are the expert on *your* baby, more so than anyone else in the world. (Very) fortunately, I think your baby's development doesn't tend to run ahead of your expertise. The two have their way of staying neck-and-neck. You're going to be a loving mom. You and Kevin are going to provide your baby girl with an upbringing that supports and prioritizes her decision-making skills. A childhood full of art and music and hugs. And when things get to the point (which they do for -- I daresay -- everyone who's ever parented) where you feel sure you've irrevocably damaged your child and the most responsible thing would be to drop her off with some Catholic nuns and go flee in shame, I think it's helpful to remind yourself that babies/kids are amazingly tough stuff, and that many have been known to survive and thrive even without the auspicious beginning you two will give your little one.
ReplyDeleteYou can count that as my advice-giving for your pregnancy. All things considered, it was pretty brief. :) You'll do great. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Enjoy your beautiful baby girl.
[Hannah] Thank you so much for such an uplifting response! I know, I know... you do the best for your child and what's best for your family, but it's still really scary sometimes knowing I've never done it before. I appreciate all the kind words though, and I know what you mean deep down!
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