This weekend was tough. Saturday, she was in so much pain that she wouldn't swallow. Rivers of drool flowed down her chin. She refused to swallow... which meant not much eating or drinking. And that meant not much nursing. The first couple of times she nursed, she'd immediately back off and wail in pain. Then it got to the point where she would start crying or actively push herself away from the breast as soon as I offered. My breasts filled and I was reminded of what those first few months felt like (not fun).
I was sad. The one thing that held that small bit of baby (nursing) and I wasn't even getting that. Each time I offered and she refused I felt defeated.
(Thankfully things are back to normal for now, and she's nursing normally. I stayed home on Monday from work to make sure things were good with her, and we had an incredible day.)
So, because she wasn't nursing, she was having trouble getting to sleep. I nurse her to sleep and love it, wouldn't change it. But she had nothing to distract her from the pain her gums were causing, and wouldn't nurse to fall asleep.
I tried everything, but finally I had to break out the Moby wrap, that I'd already packed up for good. As soon as she got in, she stopped crying. It was incredibly different holding a 24-ish pound toddler/kid as opposed to a newborn, but it still worked wonders. We went on a walk in the misty, dewy night. The moon shown, it was quiet but for the crickets, and she fell asleep.
As I walked, I sang and whispered and kissed her head. I thought, She's still my baby. She will always be my baby in my heart, no matter how big she gets or what she learns or how independent she becomes. She's my baby, always.
Every year, I think of my daughter, "She's not a baby now" and then I see her in the bath, or sucking her thumb and holding her blanket, and I know she's still got a little baby in her. It's one of the reasons I don't push to break the thumb sucking (especially sense the dentist said it's not affecting her mouth), it's like the very last vestige of her baby-hood and I will be so sad when it's gone!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if we'll still see some "baby" in them even when they're grown? :)
DeleteWhat a beautiful post, and that last photo is just stunning. Adelaide will always be your baby girl, now matter how old or how big she grows. And what a lucky littler girl she is! I "wear" Lily in my mei tai wrap every chance I get, and I dread the day she weans from nursing. As I'm sure you've realized, these moments fly by, so enjoy them. What a beautiful to have it all documented!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I too am dreading weaning... I got a little taste of what it would be like this weekend, and I didn't like it! But all is back to normal and she is nursing constantly like usual :) And, though I wish I remembered to document more, I love having things like this written down so I will always have those memories preserved (for me and for Adelaide!).
Delete<3 yes she will always be! <3
ReplyDeleteI can relate all too well. My how fast they grow. Those first two pictures brought tears to my eyes. Such a beautiful little girl.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jenny! I'm quite fond of the first one myself... it shows just how big my little one has gotten...
DeleteWhat a beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes. The last picture you posted is such a beatutiful image. You both look so content.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to your story with my 11 month old... although, I still use our carrier on a daily basis. It's my go-to for comforting him. Works like a charm and I still love having him so close to me. Thank you so much for sharing.
Rebecca, thank you! I do have a Boba carrier that I use quite often, but the Moby had already been packed up. In desperation I brought it out, and since it was a good fix, will stay folded on the shelf for future teething episodes :)
Delete