Before work one morning...
If you read my 10-month update, you saw that Adelaide is doing awesomely at daycare. She has adjusted so well, and I think it's because of our slow introduction to the setting that made her feel so comfortable. I have a post in the works about how to introduce your baby to daycare that I plan on posting later this week. Now she gets excited walking down the hall to her classroom, and she reaches out for her teachers. She's only fussy when she's tired, but as soon as they put her in "her" bouncy seat, she falls right asleep. (At home, this would NEVER work. She knows her milk is close by and won't go to sleep any other way! Not that I'd want her to - I cherish the slow moments we spend together while she's falling asleep nestled into me.)
I, however, have been a bit slower to get used to the idea of spending our days apart. My first week back, I did awesomely too. I was welcomed back with lots of hugs from the students, cards, and warm smiles from my coworkers. It was easy to ignore my ache. With week two, I think it hit me that this is the new normal: spending nearly 9 hours apart from my baby every single day. And it's not changing any time soon. The past few weeks have been a roller coaster. Some days I feel great, and I feel like I can handle it. Some days I cry 3 times, when talking about Adelaide, pumping my milk for her, or on the way to pick her up in the afternoon. It's been hard. And I don't love it. I was excited to be back in the classroom, but with a crazy schedule this year, running to the office to pump twice a day, dealing with the chaos that ensues with assistants covering while I pump, and the NEED to leave right at 2:30 to pick up my daughter... it's exhausting. I would give it up in a heartbeat to return to the role of stay-at-home-mom to spend every moment loving, teaching, and being with Adelaide.
I do find that I cherish my time with her more, now. I, of course, loved spending all those months home with her, but it was sometimes overwhelming. I got "babied-out", and some days would count down the minutes until Kevin came home from work so I could have just a minute without her in my arms. And even though I'm often overwhelmed now, in a different way, I find that I focus on her a little more when I'm with her. I give her thousands more kisses, marvel at the little person she is becoming. It refills my heart, and gives me fuel for the next day. I know I work for her, our family, but spending time with her is all I want to do. I know this is just one season of my life, but it doesn't take away from the fact that I miss Adelaide so very much.