While waiting, let's DIY.

This little girl of mine is letting me know she's here, with kicks to the ribs and head-butts to my cervix, which results in sharp pains similar to the ones I felt at the midwife's office (which did not result in screaming out of pain, as my father-in-law interpreted. It just freaked me out, that's all, but now that it's a few days later I can't even remember what it really felt like and that makes me realize what women say about birth: that the pain is quickly forgotten).

And an update: I have lost my mucus plug, or at least bits of it. Last night, hubs and I took a 45-minute brisk walk to try and move something along, and maybe that's what did it? All I know is at 4:30am, when I was up for the 3rd time peeing last night, I saw bloody show and gunk and I couldn't get back to sleep because of the excitement that something was actually happening! I felt so silly getting worked up over it because I know that labor could still be days away, but it was nice to actually see evidence that my body truly is working towards getting this baby out so that I can meet her soon.

Anyhow, like I said, I may have days, so here are a few projects I might try and whip up while waiting. Might as well be productive, right? The puzzle I bought went way too quickly, so I'm off to my next project, perhaps one of the following:

I've got some teensy shiny and glittery green ornaments that I could use for this ornament wreath.

Cold wintry weather calls for scarves and cowls.

I don't remember where I got this image, but it seems simple enough... felt alphabet.

I have a ton of tees that don't fit anymore. This 2-minute t-shirt dress tutorial seems like the perfect way to upcycle them!

Crochet chain trees. I love the simplicity of them, in look and process. This may be first on my list tonight!

Let's get busy! (I'm talking to you, Adelaide!)

Baby Update and Honesty about the Fear of Pain

I went to the midwife yesterday, at 40 weeks + 2 days. It was a good visit, but left me feeling scared. It was nothing that my midwife did. She was perfect in fact. Let me explain.


First of all, baby is wonderful! Still in the best position, with her back a little to the left of my belly button, which will make it easy for her to turn just right to slide through the birth canal in the most painless way possible (as opposed to being posterior, which is where her back is facing my back, and causes the head to scrape against the pelvic bones on the way out - ouch!). Her heart tones are strong and steady, to which midwife said "Don't be too happy in there... it's nice out here too!" Everything on my part looks good: urine (she's said that I have the best urine she's seen in a long time! haha), not much swelling now that I'm not working and on my feet every day (but still a little), no headaches, dizziness, etc.


We decided to check my dilation, which I was iffy about doing. We decided to do it only so that we can have a baseline to measure my progress with should I still be pregnant next Tuesday - my next scheduled appointment. (Please, don't let me still be pregnant!)


This is where my naivety pretty much left me. I will try to explain this without getting too personal because I know that my grandparents read this and probably a bunch of other family that just stay behind the scenes, but for years I have had problems with pain "down there." It's very sensitive, to the point where even a regular gynological exam is more painful for me than it is for the average person. I have no idea why this is. I've seen doctors about it, but we can't quite figure it out. It's just something I have to deal with. Knowing this has been a point of anxiety for me with this pregnancy, thinking that labor and pushing the baby out may be more painful than average because of my physical issues.


When my midwife began checking me, I was a little tense anticipating the pain, which of course made it a bit painful. And she told me (warned me) that I would feel a pinching feeling when she pulled my cervix down so that she could check the dilation, which I did. And it hurt. Really bad. I tried to relax and practice my breathing, but basically it really freaked me out and I just started imagining how painful birthing this baby really is going to be (because I know that checking my cervix is nothing compared to pushing a 7+ pound baby out). I squeezed the crap out of Kevin's hand while trying to relax my body. Self-doubt exploded and I cried.


My midwife was so great about calming me. She leaned down to hug me (which I doubt most doctors would do in that situation), she talked with me, she really looked at me and tried to build my confidence. She's wonderful!


We left the appointment, at which time I cried again because it was just me and Kevin in the car, and I babbled and snotted and said "I can't do this" over and over again. He said some really great things, got me to calm down some, and we ran errands before going home for the night.


See, I know my body can do this. My body was made for growing and nurturing and birthing a baby - I believe that with all my heart and being. But I have never experienced a lot of pain before - never been in an accident, never broken a bone, etc. I have nothing to gauge this pain on, and nothing to know what my pain tolerance is. And I know that my appointment yesterday was really just a taste of what's to come. I know on the scale it doesn't measure up to childbirth, but it just opened my eyes to what's about to happen. And it's scary! The fear of pain has been the hardest bit about my decision to have a natural childbirth to deal with.


But I know that this is what is best for my baby and for me. I want to be undrugged so that I can have that immediate connection with my child. So I can look at her and she can look at me and we can actually see each other. So that I can be aware of what's going on around me and within me (however scary and painful that may be). So that I can recover quickly and be able to go home the same day to the comfort of my home. So that I can birth in my own way, moving around and making noise. So that I can choose who will be around me at any given time - women who have braved this passage before and can know what I will be going through, who can help me to believe that I am doing a great job. So that my husband can be a hugely active part of this labor, from coaching me the entire time, to catching the baby, to making decisions, etc. So that I can have a calm atmosphere that I control.


Birth and the pain that comes with it is a very scary thing to imagine (for anyone, really), especially when checking my dilation was a lot more painful than I anticipated, but having a natural birth is still what I think and feel is best for my baby and I. Perhaps having experienced this bit of pain yesterday is a good thing, so that I can better prepare myself for what's to come. I know I still have no idea the enormity of what I'm about to physically experience, but maybe just having a small feel for it is better than going into it blindly.


This post may be a bit too much information for some, but it's the truth, and honesty is better than trying to make everything seem like roses. I know there are other women out there with similar issues, and working through them can be really tough, both physically and emotionally. This pain is something I've been dealing with for many years now. I just hope that I get a surge of confidence and am able to push through my labor and delivery strong and sure of myself. I will have a great support system around me: 2 midwives, my doula, and my husband. My midwives and doula have had natural births and are so supportive and will give me what I need to make it through. And of course my husband will help me in more ways than that. He will be my rock that I will look to for assurance, strength, support, and love.


I just have to think like the little engine that could: "I think I can, I think I can..." I know I can.

Check! Car Seat Installed!

Well, it's actually been installed for a couple of weeks or so now, but I'm just now getting around to posting about it.

It was more difficult than we thought. Thankfully I had a big, strong husband that could really tighten the belt and get the carseat secure. If it weren't for him, I'd have driven to the nearest fire department and had them do it. (You know, a bunch of firemen are trained in car seat installation, and will do it for free.)

But now it's in! We even went ahead and put on the window cling shade. We don't want little Adelaide to get sun in her eyes, now do we? And of course a soft blanket to wrap her up in if it's chilly outside.

I can't wait for that first drive home, when I can sit beside her and just hold her little hand all the way to our house. She will be so tiny at first. Precious!

40 Weeks + 1 Day

I'm touching the other tree! Check out week 13 and how much room I began with!!!

Will there be a 41-week photo shoot???

Here and Gone.

Yesterday was Adelaide's due date. It was here, and now it's gone. Boohoo.

All along, when people asked when I was due, I would say "December 12" with air quotes, because I KNOW that due dates are so off sometimes. And I know that they are based on the first day of your last period, and on a 28-day cycle. My cycle is wonky, so who knows when I actually ovulated? My due date could actually be a week from now.

(I hope not.)

And up until a few days ago, I was still alright with the thought that I could go over my due date. That I could go a week over my due date. Two weeks. I thought all those women who talked about how crazy they got at the end waiting for their babies were just that: crazy.

And then yesterday happened. Oh, normal day. I putzed around. Watched TV. Cooked. Cleaned. Grocery shopped. Took a late-night trip out to Target just because I wanted a puzzle.

And I wished and hoped and wanted so bad for her to have a cool birthday like 12/12. I thought about it all day. I talked to her, pleaded for her to let me know she was ready to come out. But it didn't happen. Honestly kind of a bummer. At least she spent the day doing acrobatics so I know she's perfectly healthy and fine in there. But just not ready (like I am!).

Who knows when this baby is coming? Apparently everyone and their mother has a December birthday and they think that she's waiting for their birthday. As long as she doesn't wait until Christmas day I'll be happy. Today is her Uncle Jesse's birthday (Kevin's brother). He'd be a great person to share a birthday with, Adelaide. Just sayin'.

I just have to stay busy so I don't go stir-crazy. I need to go get gel capsules so that Kevin can encapsulate my placenta (post on that soon, probably). And taking some laps around the mall might not be a bad idea.

And I do have that new puzzle.

Figuring out insurance (or, pulling my hair out).

With impending baby, I needed to figure out what to do about insurance.

I work for the state as a teacher, so I have a really good plan (Blue Cross Blue Shield standard PPO). The state pays for this plan which is awesome, and they will continue to pay for me until the end of February, at the end of my Family and Medical Leave. I plan on staying out at least another 5 months after that (more if finances allow), and if I wanted to continue my plan, I'd have to start paying over $400/month out of pocket. For myself only.

Um, too much. I wish I could afford it because it's a great plan, but to pay that much for myself isn't feasible with our budget. And besides, I'm a healthy person. I know insurance is just that: insurance... but we can't afford a major plan like that for one out of three people in the family.

Kevin has a HSA plan through his work, where there is a $2500 deductible and then everything is covered 100%. His work pays the monthly fee, and so basically health coverage is free for him unless something happens. Then he pays out of pocket till the deductible is covered.

Here is where it gets tricky. Did you know how difficult it is to have coverage for a newborn? "They" seriously do not make it easy for new parents to insure their new baby. After researching our options, we've chosen to get Adelaide a Blue Cross Blue Shield HSA plan for herself (at least for a while). However, unless she's born by a specific date, we can't start coverage for her.

For instance (and I know this is SOOO interesting to you guys), she had to be born by December 8th to get coverage starting December 15 through the plan we want her to have. Obviously that didn't happen. Now if she were born before December 22nd at midnight, we could have coverage for her on January 1st. Which would be fine if she turns out healthy.

But if there's some unforeseen health problems with her straight away, obviously that wouldn't work. And there's no way to sign her up and start paying for her now, because according to them she's not an actual person yet.

So we have to add her to my existing plan (you know, that expensive one) and pay for the entire month of December (even though it's nearly halfway over already) AND January. Just so she has coverage. Then we can think about moving her to the much cheaper individual HSA. And then figure out something for me, since we won't be keeping me on the state plan.

How confusing and frustrating is all this? I can only imagine how entertaining this post has been for you all, but trust me when I say, I am 100x more bored and perplexed by the whole insurance biz. Trust me when I say, don't wait until a week before your due date to try and figure it out. Not that it will change anything as far as when your baby can get covered (unless you have some magical insurance company), but the stress of figuring out the mumbo-jumbo is not needed in that last week.

But now it's done, will be paid for out of my next check (goodbye extra cash for January), and I can cross that mad sucker off my to-do list. SHEW!

Patience.

The hardest part about waiting for our baby is when everyone else is having their babies.

Out of my birth class of eight couples, I am the last. One of the couples had the same due date as me, tomorrow, but she just posted a beautiful picture of her new family on Facebook (and had the wonderful compassion to post on my wall reassuring me that I can do it when the time comes).

Another friend who was due three days after me has had her baby for a week.

A blog I follow has had her baby nearly 10 days early.

I have a fellow coworker due 2 weeks after me (on Christmas!). If she has her baby first I may just pull my hair out.

I haven't even hit my due date yet, but I'm already anxiously awaiting my little Adelaide. Everything is ready for her. And now we are just waiting. I know she will come when she is ready, and that might be two more weeks from now. In the grand scheme of things, that is not long. But I want to hold my baby. It's like I miss something I haven't even had yet.

{patience}