Supermom.

I have a hard time staying positive. I think I was born a pessimist. In fact, even in middle school, I recognized this quality of mine. My friend and I had an ongoing joke that I was the pessimist and she was the optimist in our friendship.

I get way too stressed out with the daily to-dos. I often put spending time with Adelaide on hold so that I can get my chores done (you know... I-have-to-get-this-done-or-my-brain-will-explode-and-then-we-can-hang out). I mean, I sit her on the counter while I prep her milk and food for the next day so yes, we're together, but I'm focused on something else. (Speaking of, this awesome hang out on the counter while mommy preps your stuff is coming to an end. She's a little too mobile and exploratory now... getting unsafe.) Diapers, laundry, tidying up, dusting, vacuuming, dishes (oh, the never-ending dishes). I just have this list that I need to tick off before I can breathe a sigh of relief. But I don't really feel the relief, because there's always SO MUCH TO DO and I can never get it all done.

And I always feel really bummed on Sunday nights, usually having a big cry about the injustice of my having to work and not being able to stay home with Adelaide. It's depressing. Sundays suck.

But yesterday, Monday, I decided that there's nothing I can do about it. This is my life, at least for now. I have no real choice in the matter. Bills need to be paid, food needs to be bought, debt needs to be slowly chipped at. So I work. And I spend my nights prepping for the next day of work and missing Adelaide.

I decided to be Supermom yesterday. I decided that I would get everything done and still (still!) have a lot of time to focus on Adelaide instead of thinking about that next thing that was on my to-do list. I decided to use my minutes wisely. I put my phone away. I kept the TV off. I turned on music, plopped Adelaide on the counter and very busily fixed her stuff for tomorrow. I started the diapers in the wash.



And then we went on a walk. Where we weren't "getting anything done" but spending time together. Giggling in the breeze, pointing to mailboxes, starely oh-so-intently as we passed the barking dogs, babbling and hair whipping around. It was nice. And we played. We read so many books, laughed and tickled, chased each other, tried to pull the cat's tail off (that was Adelaide, not me).

And then I did a little bit of diaper washing and laundry tending, and then we played some more.



And then we did dinner and she ate like a champ and we played some more.



And then we took a bath and read a book and ate half a banana and screamed through teeth-brushing and then I got to lay down and nurse her to sleep.

When she was down, I folded laundry while eating a quickly made egg and avocado sandwich while watching The Bachelor (guilty pleasure) while spending time with my husband (yep, he watches too!).

I was Supermom. I didn't get everything done on my list, but I changed my attitude about my life. At least for yesterday, I didn't feel bogged down. My moments with Adelaide were clear and pure. I enjoyed her, and I didn't mind my chores. I got everything done that needed to be, but I showed Adelaide that she was important (honestly, I don't feel like I neglect her, but I always have a nagging list in the back of my mind that keeps me from being 100% there). And we had a great night. Pretty much fuss-free, which is rare these days, what with the independence growing and all.

So today? I'm Supermom again. I can't control my circumstances exactly, but I can control my attitude about them. I'm glad I recognized what made yesterday better, because now I can try to make that choice everyday. I know I won't always feel like Supermom, able to squeeze in most of the housework and focus on Adelaide and do it all with a smile.

But today... today I will try.

Park and Poptarts

Yesterday I had a really bad day. The night before I was feeling excited, for maybe the first time since starting back, to go to work. I had planned some really fun lessons that I was looking forward to starting with all my classes. It was nice! I had had a great day with Adelaide on my Monday off, and I was actually looking foward to work the next day.

But then work sucked. Nothing went just right. The lessons weren't as out-of-the-park as I thought they were. The kids were just... bratty, if I can say that. Then I started thinking about my little one, and by the time I got in my car to go pick her up I was crying. And had a pretty hard cry on the way to her daycare. I just worry that I'm going to regret everything and feel that I'm going to miss so much with Adelaide over these first few years as I work and she goes to her little school. I know she is having fun at daycare, but I'm not having as much fun at school as I think I should be. *sigh*

So, after picking her up, I decided that we were going to go to the park. I just wanted to do something. So I grabbed a poptart (organic toaster pastry, actually, we don't eat "poptarts"), my water, my camera, and we headed out. It's a 7-minute drive, and we spend almost half-an-hour eating our snack, watching the other kids play, and checking out the slides (which she loved). We would have stayed longer, but the wind kicked up and it got cold.

The rest of the night was tough, but Kevin took her outside and they collected "Feel Good" rocks in a bucket for me and we spent some fun time splashing in the tub. We started a new bedtime routine tonight that worked like a charm and I'm hoping will have her sleeping a little longer, at least initially. (I know that'd be a miracle. But I know that better sleep will probably help me feel better, too.)

Here's hoping your Tuesday was better than mine.